


It's just too much sometimes

by DaughterOfThor



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:18:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterOfThor/pseuds/DaughterOfThor
Summary: Yuuri’s brain goes in circles.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'm not really sure why I wrote this... It is just my feeling and thoughts recently. There is no beta, so there is probably a ton of grammar and spelling mistakes. Sorry, Enjoy!

Yuuri is alone at home. Viktor was out walking their dog. They recently bought an apartment together. Their apartment was small. It had two bedrooms, one for Viktor and Yuuri, and one for a guest. Each bedroom had a connecting bathroom. Their apartment also had a kitchen and a living room.

Yuuri sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

“Why?” Yuuri thinks as his thoughts start speeding up. He doesn’t know what is happening. There’s absolutely no reason for this to start. All he was doing was watching TV. He can’t explain why there is suddenly pain in his chest, or his now raised heart rate. He can’t explain anything that is happening to him.

He was fine minutes ago, but now he can’t sit. He starts pacing. Yuuri doesn’t understand why.

“Shut up!” He screams in side in head. He can’t get the voices out. They are getting louder and telling him awful things.

“You are a failure. Victor hates you. He doesn’t love you. People don’t want to hang out with you. They just put up with you. Everyone would be better off without you. The skating world would be better off without you. You are an awful skater. No one wants to coach you. No one wants to talk to you. You are a failure.”

Yuuri’s brain goes in circles.

His thoughts are going even faster. He’s so tired now he can’t pace anymore. He is somehow in this bedroom. He falls onto his bed. He fells something warm on his face. He touches a hand to his face, it’s tears.

Yuuri lays their listening to his mind. He sure he is crazy now. No more than mere minutes ago, he was fine he thinks. He was having such a good day he couldn’t even understand this feeling of numb anxiousness. Now he’s at his lowest of lows. He wants to hurt himself, to disappear, to die. He has these highs and lows.

Highs and lows. Yuuri knows he needs help but he is afraid no one will listen to him because more often than not he feels fine.

Yuuri longingly looks at his bathroom door. He wants to get up. Yuri can’t. He can’t move. He can only lay there. His thoughts have stopped. He can’t think.

By some force, he walks like a zombie to the bathroom.

With new vigor, he reaches behind the mirror knocking everything off the shelf. Looking for the one thing that can provide Yuuri temporary relief.

He finds Viktor’s razor. With shaky had he tries to get off the blade. He sees he is going to need a screwdriver.

Unsteadily, he walks into the kitchen. Opening up every draw looking for the right screwdriver. Yuri finds it. He throws the contents of the draw out trying to grab the screwdriver. He grasps it. Slowly, painfully he manages to get the screw out.

Walking back to the bathroom he curls his finger around the blade while avoiding the contents of the draw that fell on the ground.

The razor makes a small slit in his hand. Blood pools, he doesn’t notice some drops on the kitchen floor as he walks back his bathroom.

Yuuri climbs into the bathtub.

He raises the blade.

Cut.

Slice.

Carve.

Nice and clean lines across his wrists.

Blood pours from the wounds in his flesh. It puddles at the bottom of his tub and stains his clothes.

He feels so much better now. Yuri knows the voices are gone for now and won’t come back for a while.

He likes knowing he’s the one causing him pain. He can control it. Order in his chaotic mind.

He should clean up now but Yuuri can’t get up. He doesn’t see the point. He knows the world is better off without him. He should just bleed out. Disappear. He can’t die though. What would happen to Victor?

“Viktor!” Yuuri thinks. “What would he say? He will be so disappointed”

Yuuri can’t bring himself to care enough, only enough so he doesn’t die on the bathroom floor.

He’s stuck in the middle again.

Can’t live, Can’t die.

Yuuri stays like that, in the in-between. Sometime later Yuuri passes out.


End file.
